‘Halloween Kills’ Review

‘Tis the season for horror, I guess, but when it comes to the newest installment of the long-running Halloween series—this time dubbed Halloween Kills—it really feels more like a cash-in from a respected property rather than a good film worth making.

When last we left Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) and her daughter (Judy Greer) and her daughter’s daughter (Andi Matichak), series beast Michael Meyers (aka The Shape, this time played by both James Jude Courtney and Airon Armstrong) had been trapped in the basement of a burning house. Surprise, though—the Shatner-mask-wearing killer gets loose and starts right back up killing again, much to the dismay of the folks of Haddonfield, Illinois, who are probably so sick of this shit by now.

Cue slow-moving rampage and flashbacks to the film’s 1978 origins and little cutesy things for people who’ve followed the series. Cue Jamie Lee vacillating between melodramatic screams and philosophical deep-thoughts on horror and who the real monsters are. Cue Michael Anthony Hall’s Tommy Doyle forming a bloodthirsty mob with current and aged Halloween characters, which then devolves into a roaming band of maniacs who travel the local hospital’s corridors in search of Michael Meyers in a bizarre ballet of pointlessness more akin to Darren Aronofsky’s Mother! than the makings of a creepy slasher flick. In the end, it all feels so very unnecessary.

Because so much of Michael Meyers’ killin’ prowess seems to come from people who repeatedly insist on approaching him. He never runs to or from anyone; he rarely attacks anyone who isn’t trying to get him first. He doesn’t speak or plan or plot—he’s just always trying to get home, presumably because it’s late and Halloween can be dangerous if you’re out alone—and he only gets to stabbing people with broken halogen tube bulbs when they get in his way. Could it be the monster’s weakness might be people simply jogging briskly in another direction? Maybe so (and there are probably essays about what Halloween is trying to say, but that just feels tedious).

And so it goes for not quite two incredibly un-scary hours that don’t even feel particularly fun. A sad affair when a character literally opines on the fun of Halloween scares in the first 10 minutes. Last time, it felt like an old friend had returned, albeit one with some serious-ass problems. This time, it’s not nearly as exciting. It’s not exciting at all, in fact, so when you have the choice to either go see this thing in the theater or simply fire up NBC’s Peacock app, do the latter and be ready to zone out. If John Carpenter hadn’t gotten rich off this series, he’d probably be pretty bummed this time.

5

+Sometimes intense

-Meandering and tiresome

Halloween Kills

Directed by David Gordon Greene

With Curtis, Greer, Matichak, Hall and The Shape

Violet Crown, Regal Santa Fe Place, Peacock, R, 105 min.